I think I am going through my teens late. I feel as though I am just now discovering who I really am. It is as if I have forced myself in a box too small. I think I’m finally seeing myself as I was meant to be and simultaneously letting go of who I forced myself to be. It has taken a good deal of courage to let go of what I have and in reality, it probably isn’t very much. But I am not trying to down play it…it is what it is. I ask myself, “Self, why do you run from who you are?” It reminds me of Nelson Mandella’s speech where he said
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Speech given by Nelson Mandela, text by Marianne Williamson
I think the woman who wrote this was really on to something. Now that I have come to realize that life is a journey and salvation a life long process I feel more at ease with the world and myself. And it’s neat because the more I get to know the real me, the more I like myself which is significant indeed. I have taken a lot of the pressure of myself and let my guard down a bit more. I took a cultural diversity class last summer and one of the things that really stuck out to me was the idea that we give our daughters roots and our sons wings. I have wanted to fly my whole life and there have been so many bogus things that have kept me grounded. I am starting to feel like I can fly. There is so much out there in the world. So many people to meet, so many places to go, so many foods to taste and things to see, so many songs to listen to and play, dances to learn, people to love, faces to kiss…the world is scary and terrible but beautiful and wonderful. It is a paradox.
Oh yeah….and I found out I like The Goo Goo Dolls.
Photo by: paveitapics