Lord hear my prayer

there is a deep unrest within me that i cannot name.  i cannot quite put my finger on it.  it is a deep discontentedness.  have you ever heard someone scream into a pillow?  it’s like that.

i feel as though i am trapped.  and the bars of my cage are firmly in place because of the decisions i have made.  i want to have the security this kind of car will provide.  i will never have to worry about it breaking down.  i want to have these things in my life so i will work this job that pays this much to ensure i can buy these types of things.  i want to have my own everything so i don’t need anyone else.

i have had some pretty crazy thoughts lately. 

  • – sell most of what i own (i.e., keep only what i need and some memories) and go to israel for a while before i start seminary
  • – join the simple way
  • – become a conscientious objector (i’m still technically in the individual ready reserve)

it’s as if Jesus is saying, “Follow me.” and i want to leave everything and follow Him but i don’t know how.

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2 Responses to “Lord hear my prayer”

  1. Ruth Says:

    Pay attention to all this, it’s powerful stuff, Pink Hammer. It will become more clear over time. Maybe you’re shedding, which is a natural process.

  2. pinkhammer Says:

    Yes…it is powerful. But what do you mean by shedding? I think I kinda might get what you are saying in using that word but I’m not sure…

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