Today has been a hard day. I’m not sure exactly what made it hard except maybe that I think God is bringing me to a point where I have to deal with these things called emotions. I am starting to wonder if an anti-depressant would be helpful but I kinda feel like that’s just a cop out. I have worked very hard my whole life to maintain control. It’s the only security I had. The walls are coming down now. I am glad for that, but it is very overwhelming and the dust in the air from the wall falling makes it hard to see what God is up to. If I am honest with myself, I am not always sure God is even there.