I have come to realize that to a certain degree I am emo-phobic. Translation: I am not a big fan of emotions. Often times when I start to feel something I try to pretend that it isn’t there in hopes that it will just go away. But…that usually doesn’t happen. So then it builds up and it just busts out of me. It’s usually not a pretty sight. It’s kinda like a volcano erupting. There’s the steam in the beginning…and then some lava spurts out…and then the lava just flows like a river destroying everything in it’s path. It’s not really all emotions that I don’t like…just the “bad” ones. Just the “difficult” or “unpleasant” feelings. I think that mostly my problem is that I don’t understand my emotions. For me understanding is huge. I am a rationally minded, analytical person. You can’t analyze emotions. And believe me…I have tried. It just adds “frustrated” to the list of things I am feeling. So if I don’t understand why I am feeling a certain way, it freaks me out and frankly it ticks me off. I also have a hard time communicating these types of feelings. I don’t know how to translate what I am feeling into words. And really there are many times I don’t want to understand or communicate…I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay. But for some reason that isn’t something I’m okay asking for. *sigh* Switchfoot said, “living is simple.” I whole-heartedly disagree.
Photo by: W a d e