It really soothes my restless soul when I put music on. I am having a hard time finishing this paper. I really just wish there was someone here with me. Not to talk or to do anything but just to be here. Kinda like moral support I guess. It’s a strange desire. And it’s not something I can imagine being fulfilled really. I would go to someone’s house to study but that’s kinda weird to ask as well. I don’t want to interrupt anyone’s life. I’m tired of feeling like I am interrupting people’s lives!!!! Crap. Can’t I be a part of someone’s life? Deep breaths…in, then out…in, then out….it is said that we say the name of God even when we breath…just breath, S. Just breath. It’s not that bad. This too shall pass.
This is my prayer:
Father? I really want to quit my job, go to seminary somewhere full time, and live with someone who turns out to be one of the best friends I have had in my life thus far. I ask this in faith believing that You will provide these things for me. I ask this in desperation because I don’t feel healthy. I ask this in humility because I don’t deserve it. I ask in frustration because I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I ask in repentance because I have probably gone to others asking them to fulfill something within me that only you can fill. Please help me find peace in you. I know you offer it. I am probably too blind to see what that is right now. Please give me eyes to see. Please give me ears to hear. Please give me a heart that understands. Please help me to love you and love your people. And please help me to do that with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Please help me overcome myself.