It really soothes my restless soul when I put music on.  I am having a hard time finishing this paper.  I really just wish there was someone here with me.  Not to talk or to do anything but just to be here.  Kinda like moral support I guess.  It’s a strange desire.  And it’s not something I can imagine being fulfilled really.  I would go to someone’s house to study but that’s kinda weird to ask as well.  I don’t want to interrupt anyone’s life.  I’m tired of feeling like I am interrupting people’s lives!!!!  Crap.  Can’t I be a part of someone’s life?  Deep breaths…in, then out…in, then out….it is said that we say the name of God even when we breath…just breath, S.  Just breath.  It’s not that bad.  This too shall pass. 

This is my prayer:

Father?  I really want to quit my job, go to seminary somewhere full time, and live with someone who turns out to be one of the best friends I have had in my life thus far.  I ask this in faith believing that You will provide these things for me.  I ask this in desperation because I don’t feel healthy.  I ask this in humility because I don’t deserve it.  I ask in frustration because I feel like I am on a roller coaster.  I ask in repentance because I have probably gone to others asking them to fulfill something within me that only you can fill.  Please help me find peace in you.  I know you offer it.  I am probably too blind to see what that is right now.  Please give me eyes to see.  Please give me ears to hear. Please give me a heart that understands.  Please help me to love you and love your people.  And please help me to do that with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Please help me overcome myself.

Your Pinkhammer

10 Responses to “Music”

  1. Ruth Says:

    Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
    Psalm 37:4
    I’m glad you’re telling God what’s in your heart. I feel certain that God will honor that. In God’s time. Hang in there.

  2. heatherelizabeth Says:

    so i’m gonna put the car in the shop on monday, and we’ll go for a road trip soon — like maybe the next saturday afternoon/evening you’re not booked? breathing the air of another town for a day with freedom to simply cavort at will could be very cool indeed.

  3. Mary Beth Says:

    Praying with you. :) Welcome to RevGals!

  4. Sally Says:

    welcome to revgals :-)

  5. Jan Says:

    Welcome to RevGals!

  6. pinkhammer Says:

    Thanks ladies : ) I can tell I am in good company!

  7. Julie Says:

    That’s a beautiful prayer…hoping you receive peace from it. Welcome to RevGals!

  8. Sarah Says:

    Welcome to RevGals!!

  9. EJ Says:

    You know. In an effort to jump start the empty battery in my brain, I decided to jump on Oprah’s web cast class. I believe I can learn from anyone. There is something always there to learn. Just have to be open to it. And for the most part, the sheer basic message of what Ekhart Tolle was teaching was nothing new. The concept of being still, breathing in and out, and noticing the small things and not sweating the big stuff is truly an old, old concept, bandied about for centuries, nay, milleniums.

    BUT – he reminded me of one thing. Life gives you exactly what you need for this moment. It isn’t clear. It isn’t smooth and wrapped neatly. It certainly doesn’t make sense. But it is freely given and well considered. And necessary for right now. Try not to let your stomach stay in knots over the things which will come in time and which you are not to control right now.

  10. pinkhammer Says:

    EJ, I think you are right on. God definitely provides what you need for the “now.” I just had that same re-revelation this evening in class. I say re-revelation because this is a recurring theme in my life. I wish I wasn’t so forgetful on the important stuff. I am so thankful for God’s grace and patience.

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