What to do

What do you do when you are a single person who is a member of a church that is made up mostly of families who are older than you?  Everyone’s living the American Dream with two kids, a dog, and a house with a two car garage.  Something in my life has got to give.  It seems to me that the few people that are in my life treat me more as an option than a priority.  And if you are reading this and think you are one of those people, please know that I realize this is not just a ‘you’ thing.  I am sure God is working through some stuff with me too.  It’s just that, well, I spend way too much time alone and I don’t feel like it’s my doing.  I have tried to be very proactive with the folks in my life but it just doesn’t seem to be panning out the way I envisioned.  But then again, that’s life right?  Relationships are hard, not easy.  And each one of us has so much crap to sort through it makes it even harder.  But I’m not sure what that means.  Am I supposed to give up?  I’m not a quitter, but I am sure tired of trying.  I am sure some of this has to do with expectations but how do you not have those?  Is it even possible?  And if it is possible is it healthy? 

I could go on but I don’t want to cry so I will change the subject.

I was finally able to finish up my Form 1 and I gave it to my Pastor today.  I kinda figured that is what it was going to take to get things moving and that’s what seems to be happening.  Anyway, they have it so I’m happy.  I should probably lower my expectations a couple notches…not because I think others aren’t doing what they should but because maybe I have expectations that are too high.  Maybe I get too excited about things.  Maybe I need to force myself to be more calm, cool, and collective.  Is this an identity issue or what? 

I don’t have another topic to change to so I will just end this post.  I think I’ll go read.  How ’bout a Guide to the Book of Confessions.  Really…I find it very interesting.  Yeah…I’m a book nerd.  That’s one thing I am actually okay with.

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6 Responses to “What to do”

  1. heatherelizabeth Says:

    Sara,
    Wow, do I think we may live on neighboring planets! Thank you for your gutsy honesty and penetrating depth.

    When we’re no longer frantically shimmying around semester deadlines, I’d love to hang out, watch a British flick of some description or find some randomly interesting thing to do…

  2. pinkhammer Says:

    Hello heather : ) Sounds good. Let’s plan on it.

  3. Lorraine Says:

    Well, not knowing anything about your church, and why you belong there, I can tell you what I did in a similar situation — I changed churches. Yah, yah, I know, I’ve seen stuff written about people who “church shop” for something that “meets their needs”. But it also has to be about the church that will help you grow spiritually, and where you can feel a bond with the corporate entity that is that particular church.

    Anyway — I was in a church with my young daughter that was full of white married couples sitting in the pews. Practically every single person attended that church with a spouse. My husband is Catholic and so attends his own church. So it was just me and my daughter. — In addition to that I didn’t care for the children’s program that took the kids out of the church right after the opening hymn, and never brought them back, not even on communion Sundays.

    So I went looking and found my wonderful church — small and full of people both with and without spouses. (and they value children — my daughter’s comment when I first took her there – “oh Mommy, they like kids in this church!”) The pastor herself has a Catholic husband who only attends once in awhile. And we have diversity, which is important to me as I raise my white middle class kids in a diverse city (and diverse world).

    Well, that was my solution. I know we can’t just up and leave a church every time there’s something we don’t like. But bottom line, as I said above, church needs to be a place where you can connect with other members and grow spiritually, and help them to grow spiritually as well. And where you all can engage with the mission of the church in the world.

    Well, end of sermon. lol… Glad to hear that you’ve turned in that Form 1! First step. Have you said what Presbytery you’re in? If not, you probably don’t want to say here in a public blog. But for some reason I have the idea we’re in the same one, although I don’t know why I think that. hmmm…. maybe it’s another person who posts here who I’m thinking of. Anyway…. if you want you could email me. I think you can see the emails of people who reply, can’t you? (I know I typed it in, because I can see it right above this box.) — anyway, if indeed we are in the same one I could pass on some tips about going through the “process” here.

  4. pinkhammer Says:

    Hi Lorraine : ) I think your advice is good, but I really feel like it’s where I am supposed to be. On top of that, it’s the church that I just turned in the Form 1 with so I don’t think that would work real well. : )

    As for e-mail, I don’t have access to it. If you want to drop me a line at thepinkhammer (AT) gmail (DOT) com we can do it that way. : )

  5. Lorraine Says:

    Yah, maybe that wouldn’t look great — “here’s my Form 1, and by the way I’m switching churches” — lol… — and yes, I’ll email you when I get back from school this evening. I’m just leaving now for a huge Systematics Theology exam. eek… Then choir rehearsal for 1.5 hours. After that is my neighborhood book club where you’d better believe I’ll be having a glass of wine, and never mind how many Weight Watchers points it is! :))

  6. pinkhammer Says:

    Hah. :) sounds good. I hope you do well on the exam. I am taking that this summer. Enjoy that glass of wine!

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