Alone

I wonder if living alone is healthy.  I have only lived alone for about 7 months now and in many ways I love, love, love it, but I just am not sure it’s healthy.  I like living alone because I don’t have to put up with someone else’s noise or strange habits and I like living alone because in those moments where I really don’t want to interact with anyone I don’t feel like I should because I come home and a roomie is there.  But pretty much all the other times I wish I had a roomie…or let’s  be honest, a husband.  I wish I had a partner in crime when it was time for dinner.  Cooking for one sucks no matter how many neat little cookbooks they come out with that say it’s easy.  And eating in silence is complete undesireable (except maybe in the mornings).  And I’m a thinker and a talker which means I am able to put ideas together best when I speak them.  Writing works sometimes, but usually only when my ideas have been birthed and just need refinement.  Well, I can talk to the walls, but they don’t talk back.  And I like to speak into people’s lives.  It brings me great joy and it spurs me on in this journey called life.  Sometimes I feel as though the lack of people in my life is a prison which I cannot excape.  And after writing this post I feel like I should be laying on some couch in the office of some psychoanalyst. 

It’s 8:45 on the morning of Good Friday.  I have the day off…I need to get going…I have a ton of work to do for seminary.  But I am getting stuck on the fact that I am alone.  For anyone who reads this, have you any thoughts about how to make peace with loneliness?

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3 Responses to “Alone”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    no, i never made peace with it entirely. i loved it during the fiesta (2 years long) of writing in my beach condo, but i had ways of dealing with it sometimes that weren’t very healthy & lots of times i was just about DONE with being lonesome.

    i think we’re social animals, and we’re in a transition now where we have lost most of our built-in social support. what we have to do is learn to make friends who are as dependable as extended family, but we want more from friends and lovers than we do from extended family–we want to be understood, loved for who we are, challenged, fulfilled spiritually and emotionally. nobody gets that from their family, but when we had family to count on, maybe it was easier. because friends were friends and support was family.

    now it’s just not like that anymore, but we’ll have to, as an entire human race, learn how to deal with the loneliness of losing our families (which is really what has happened to most people in this country). wait a minute. we’ll have to learn how to truly be glad that they are gone from our lives. oh sorry that slipped in.

    so living alone is wonderful and difficult and i think it requires a few friends and lovers make it easier. put fishies in the friends you can both count on and who want to be your real heart-friends. i know. both of us. isn’t she so sweet?

    we love you, sweetie, and we’ve been there and oh my god what wouldn’t i give to be there now…

    keep in touch! love fish & little fish, up way too late

  2. pinkhammer Says:

    Thanks, fish & little fish : ) You are awesome friends for sure.

  3. fishclamor Says:

    anyway, you don’t get to wake up, take the dog to the beach, then come home and write, looking out over the bay all day and all night. you have to do that icky job that would make anyone with another big Idea of what they want of life to be lonesome.

    still, i’ll trade ya! what do you say? huh? huh?

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