It is unmistakably clear to me that God is trying to teach me patience through the process. I am not a big fan of the process honestly. I don’t typically like the journey. I like arriving at the final destination. The journey is a necessary evil. But I am learning that that is not at all the way God sees it. God is all about the process. I don’t think I could go so far as to say God doesn’t care about the end point, but that could also be because there is no such thing as a predefined endpoint. And if there is, do I have any control of it?
I have really been wrestling with God over this lately. I am in seminary and learning some really neat things about God. I am also reading about some really neat ideas for the church. And it makes me want to get out and get involved!
But I can’t. Or rather, I could, but I would be forcing something that isn’t what God has for me right now. I am in a time of preperation and learning. A time of formation. God has me right where he wants me. And honestly, there are moments where that makes me CRAZY!!!! I hear a rousing sermon or read a good book or have a great conversation with someone on fire for God and it makes me wnat to come out of my skin! It’s ridiculous.
And yet, I can picture God smiling down on me in my moments of craziness. I can see God smiling down on me thinking about the great things he has prepared for me to do for the Kingdom. And that makes me not as crazy anymore. It makes it easier to smile back at God and say, “Okay, God. Not my will but Yours be done.”
And so little by little, he is teaching me patience. He is refining the “I want it and I want it now” of Veruca Salt and the culture of our McWorld into a life centered on God. I am thankful for God’s patience and grace. He has surely spent a lot of it on me.